With apologies to Abbott and Costello (above), I couldn't resist adapting their classic "Who's on First?" routine for the holiday season, lampooning the whole "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays" debate.
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"Season's greetings."
"Who is Season? You are the one greeting me, but why are you speaking in the third person?"
"I am not Season. 'Tis the season!"
"Who's 'Tis? Never heard of him. Or is it a her?
"Never mind then, Happy Holiday!"
"Oh, I remember him. He was in the shootout at the OK Corral."
"No, that's Doc Holliday. Let's try again. Merry Christmas!"
"Sorry, I don't know anyone named Mary. Why not try your little black book?"
"Joyeux Noel, then!"
"You just struck out, mate. I don't know Joy or Noel, either. Why are you wasting my time asking about girls. Go to a bar or sign up for one of those dating services."
"Are you Jewish?"
"I think my mother was, on my father's side."
"Hanukkah!"
"Gesundheit."
"I didn't sneeze. You said you were Jewish, and ... "
"Just cover your mouth next time, OK?"
"What we have here is a failure to communicate."
"Well, I know a little Spanish."
"Very good, then! Feliz Navidad!"
"Felix the Cat? Decent cartoon but a little dated. That guitarist, Jose Feliciano, tried to do a cover of the theme song. It was horrible. Didn't sound a thing like the original."
"Oh, this is hopeless. I give up. Go ahead and be miserable for all I care."
"That's a very mean thing to say. Yule be sorry!"
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